Hi all!

Suffice it to say that in absolute totality Jarrod is the absolute definitive when it comes to one liners. He picks them up everywhere. There are moments I wonder if I am not paying enough attention or my ‘net nanny’ is not working.

I should mention that due to Eishkom having a few power outages a while back, we have resorted to streaming most of our movies and have great fun ‘camping’ out. I took out the candelabra the other night, as Norwin is putting in serious hours at the office, so I left the candles on to light the way. As we finished dinner, Jarrod announced… “This is the only way dinner should be eaten”. Needless to say the candelabra have stayed on the dining room table.

Jarrod announced to my Mom the one evening, “Gran I really like my tea more orange”. Given that Rooibos tea is orange, we assume he meant stronger.

Every time I enter the room when the boys are playing xBox or just surfing the web, I get … “The mothership has landed! Dun dun dun”, to which I leave and have a momentary breakdown as I laugh so much it hurts.

A disagreement over the particular taste of grapefruit, now being referred to as ‘the grapefruit incident’, resulted in no comment but a priceless face. It had to be included for posterity sake.

“I went to look for my white medicine today in my bag Mom, it wasn’t there”… Oops he obviously had a headache and resorted to the icepack. This is a good and a bad thing, he didn’t want anyone to know so thought he would self-medicate. This particular one was a little concerning. Maybe allowing too much freedom in his own treatment methods.

Singing “We will, we will rob you!” Ok we all know it should be “rock you”, but we are not sure if living in Gauteng is taking its toll. Do you think it means Rob You … for real? Another special one… “Lynnie, is that for real?”

Obviously, we refer to the reference information hierarchy in our house.

  1. Dad (because “Dad knows everything”)
  2. Google
  3. Wikipedia
  4. The Internet
  5. Mom

He arrived at my side one afternoon and asked me what OMG meant. I asked why and he said ‘people’ i.e. The HobbyKids Channel on YouTube use it. I explained what it stood for and asked him if he felt this might offend God if we used the term. He decided offending God didn’t sound like a good idea, no there was no talk of fire and brimstone in the conversation. He asked what he could use as an alternative so I suggested OMW. Well every time he discovers something or does something it involves a flypast of energy in a ball dressed like Jarrod saying “Oh em double u” (OMW). On the odd occasion it comes in a full “Oh My Word!”. Or alternatively via Apple autocorrect “On my way!” It’s another favourite of Jarrod’s.

The little nutter has a larger than life approach to toys. He introduces them, and describes them with a passion, it’s awesome. He apparently does a lot of teaching at school, encouraging the kids to touch, feel, experience whatever it is that he is doing. He uses a whiteboard and this resulted in all the kids needing whiteboards.

They had a Grandparents day and he was apparently very “nervous”… He bravely came forward and announced himself, and said what he had to say. Ironically he was the only child in 3 grades to say something different to ‘my granny gives me sweets’. Jarrod likes his Granny because she reads to him and watches TV with him. Thanks Nina for this one… he has a box of sweets but never eats them. They never get old as Norwin and I see to that… hence him in innocence saying to us… I am so glad you can be up here.

Jarrod, being slightly too big for his boots, has learned to negotiate quite effectively with one liners. Clearly business talk he hears around the house.

“So what you’re saying is that….” Followed by the usual, if I brush my teeth you’ll get me two (2) toys… HUH, no Jay-Bee you’ll get your daily allowance for all the things you need to do in a day and then you can get yourself a toy…

It has begun to apply to Food, Homework, Snacks, Broccoli in particular and staying up late, playing xBox, having playdates. I have a sneaky suspicion that I am losing the battle with great gusto, as I feel something is wrong, but I’m never sure what it is. Regardless of my age I feel outplayed.

The latest one liners, are either just to see if I’ll laugh, or cry. I am convinced of a conspiracy.

“Please carry me up the stairs Mom, I’m itchy”

Jay-Bee when last did you eat, you’re getting a little ratty, “I don’t know… days ago?” “Could you get me something to eat right now?” SIGH! Jay-Bee please don’t jump on the trampoline with half a chicken in your mouth… Kiddo, sticking his fingers down his throat to ensure it goes faster. SIGH!

Jay-Bee you have a bit of a heat rash, is your T-shirt itchy… “No, no, no, Mom it’s alright that’s just my six pack!”

NunuFroggie, asks my how to spell my name one night, and phones me from Norwin’s phone whilst sitting next to me in bed, I answer out of what I am not sure… some sense of duty perhaps. Mom: Hello?… Jarrod: Hello! I know you’re there. Mom: What’s up Jay-Bee? Suddenly he disappears – Dad: Jarrod are you having a wee with my phone, Mom: Jay-Bee are you in the bathroom? Jarrod: how do you know? Mom: You’re on the phone to me. Jarrod: Rig….ht!. Dad: Jarrod please don’t drop my phone. Mom: let’s not spook him otherwise we’ll be fishing it out the toilet. Jarrod: what’s in the toilet that needs fishing out? Dad: Jarrod, wash your hands, flush the toilet. Jarrod: How did you know? Mom: you’re on the phone to me. JARROD. BRING ME DAD’S PHONE NOW!… Jarrod: Hi Lynnie, what’s wrong, are you cross? SIGH, Please go flush the toilet and wash your hands. Jarrod: How did you know? Mom: you were on the phone to me!

I had the giggles and had to fake sincerity for the parenting parts.

Dad: “You’re really quiet Jarrod, I am suspicious.” Jarrod: “Not to worry I am just sitting on my bed teaching myself to read”. Sigh. So much for the oppositional, defiant label.

On the tech front, Jarrod came out understanding so much stuff, I am sure that kids today are wired differently. Norwin and I were discussing the backing up of data. From the peanut gallery came the almighty comment…. Dun dun dun…

“Oh just do what I do… keep it on my blog in the iCloud.” Norwin and I were stunned to silence; no more needed be said.

Norwin loves music and is always streaming the most popular songs from Apple Music in his car. He comes home with Jarrod in tow the other day and announces he’s been banned from listening to Taylor Swift, in his own car, by Jarrod, because she sings ‘OMG’ – well at least he is listening to us.

One morning I hear Jarrod saying to Norwin “You know the girl with two unicorn hairs in my class…” He clearly meant the straight double ponytail she sports.

Last but not least Jay-Bee has taken to ‘cleaning’ and I really use the term very loosely. He was sweeping up some Playdoh when he in all innocence pipes up “I can’t get these little pieces of Playdoh with the broom, so I’ll just sweep them under the carpet!”

Speak soon



Video One – I like my Granny (click here)

Video Two – Flip-charting for Dad (click here)

Photo 1 The King of One Liners thinking of his next quip

Photo 2 Holding Grace

Photo 3 Inspiration for one-liners

Photo 4 With the girls at Papachinos before it became Ri’streto

Photo 5 No comment…….

Photo 6 My cousins! Ryan and Tammy

Photo 7 Laundering something

Photo 8 Hugging Zeus

Photo 9 Minion!

Photo 10 Love Minions!

Photo 11 Who says I don’t offer a helping hand?

Photo 12 Missy has become addicted to playing with hair bands

Photo 13 Playing Xbox. Up-side-down

Photo 14 The ‘Grapefruit Incident’

Photo 15 Happiness

Photo 16 At Prestige movies to see Pixels – really have no words…..

Photo 17 Not afraid of Pac-Man

Photo 18 Jayden and I at the Lego Show

Photo 19 Professor Jay-Bee

Photo 20 And again…..

Photo 21 I call this ‘Lazy day with cat’

Photo 22 Love puzzle

Photo 23 Boy with a balloon heart on Mommy’s arm

Photo 24 The ‘sweeping under the carpet’ incident

1 Comment on 422. King of The One Liners…. Dun, dun, dun!

  1. Sandra Andrade says:

    Thanks for the giggles, kids are too cute….out of the mouth of babes

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